if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
