so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
