He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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