Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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