my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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