I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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