I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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