i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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