u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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