I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
