she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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