I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
