I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
