at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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