The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
