I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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