if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
