You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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