You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
