youre lurking in front of me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Houston, we have a squirter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
