four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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