Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is my gift to your gina
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize