I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
