I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
