My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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