You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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