The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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