I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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