hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
