I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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