a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
