Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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