hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize