Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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