Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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