last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your cock deserves a montage
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just want to make out with him forever
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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