In the future we'll all be gay
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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