while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
