His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
