I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize