Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
