I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
