Me. At least after what I've been through.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
