I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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