I think my vagina is haunted
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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