My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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