i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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