I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
