How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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