Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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