i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize