Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
