There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
