I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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