from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
