ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
