Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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