somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize