Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
