dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
