im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
