How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
