this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
