my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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