He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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