I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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