ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize