well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
