I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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