I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said her name was "party"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
