If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
