So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
