is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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