Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
