here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
