omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
