he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
