help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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