I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
