Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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