god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
