i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
