hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
