don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
