how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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