operation have a gay friend backfired
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
