i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dick has a subreddit
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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