i just had sex bonerless
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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