I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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