my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
