The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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