Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh god the rape fog is back!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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