I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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