So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
