you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
