hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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