I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
