Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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