He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
