You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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